I took this next part from his website, it states:
"Like most guys in High School, Jay Michael Brownlee, got his dating advice from his friends and movies. Its no wonder that trying to land a girlfriend was like trying to catch a touchdown pass in a playoff game!When it came to girls, Jay had no dating standards which resulted in giving himself away emotionally, intimately, and sexually. As Jay grew up and refocused his life on Christ he realized all the mistakes he had made and deeply regretted them. It was then that he struck up a friendship with Alisha which eventually led to their marriage. Jay has seen how the consequences of his former dating life have affected his and Alisha's life together. As much as this couple has seen the positive impact of Alisha's decisions on their relationship, they have also experienced the negative impact from Jay's decisions. Jay has now felt God calling him to share with others the significance of saving yourself for your future spouse. He knows, first-hand, the importance of the decisions that you make right here and now and how they will affect you and eventually your spouse and your marriage."
I would like to preface by saying, I have made very similar mistakes in my life as Jay, so, I speak from experience. In this blog I'm going to focus on two points, point number one: what does it mean to guard your heart?, and point number two: is dating a positive or negative experience for teenagers?.
What does it mean to guard your heart? Before we answer that question, let's take a look at where this idea of "guarding our hearts" comes from. What do you know, it's actually scripture. Proverbs 4:23 tells us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
One writer said that, "Solomon is giving us one of the most important practical duties of the Christian life. All other duties pale in comparison to guarding our hearts, for our heart affects everything we are, everything we say and everything we do." Another wrote that, "The heart is the “master-control” of the life...". So we can see that the heart is crucial to our whole life and being, and as such, should be watched over as one would watch something precious, or as the literal translation says..."continually observing attentively."
I believe what we can gather from this passage of scripture and brief commentary is that the heart is something very precious (more precious than gold) and should be guarded in a type of Fort Knox if you will. No one just walks into Fort Knox and plays with the gold. It's not open to the public for picnics and potlucks. It is the epitome of secured locations. That is the imagery we should apply to our hearts. To play this from the opposite angle, our hearts should not be given away so friviously like some piece of notebook paper or plastic cup we find on the side of the road. The three words in the beginning of the passage should drive this all home, "Above ALL else".
I don't know about you, but when I read that, it almost sounds like something an military officer might say. I can almost hear it like this, "above all else OR else!" In other words, if we are not careful to guard our hearts we may infact lose our hearts. Sadly, I find this is the case in lives of many teenagers, myself included. We are often so careless with our hearts, we give them away to people who are neither mature enough or Christlike enough to handle them with the proper care. I mean think about it, as teenagers, our brains aren't even fully developed. Our bodies are going crazy, we can't even keep our rooms clean let alone take care of someone's heart.
Am I making sense here? I hope so. On to our next point, is dating a positive or negative experience for teens? I recently had a conversation with a parent who is, like most parents, allowing her daughter to date. I asked several questions concerning why a teenage girl should be involved with a teenage boy. After a lot of back and forth, there really was no clear benefit for her daughter to be "dating". I then asked, do you think they will enventually break up and her heart will be broken? The answerr, of course, yes. So, let me get this straight, we will knowingly allow our teens to give their hearts away only to be broken. Sound good to me.
Honestly, I can't find anything positive about young people dating. I know there are a lot of different view points on the subject. But hey, this is my blog. :) In short, when teens date these things are sure to happen. They will experience what they think is love. Then that's all they ever say. I luv u baby. Smilely face heart heart. Then the wonderful feelings they get when they're around that other person. After that, one of the two will become very attached. Before long, let's take it to the next level. They're not just making out all the time, now they're having sex. Soon they are so attached that one begins to smother the other. Then, it's just a matter of time. The feelings leave, it becomes a chore and hey, Sarah looks pretty hot today. Break up time. Nobody wins.
And yes, to any teens who may be reading this, I do know what it's like. I foolishly gave my heart to a young lady who broke it into a million peices. We could have been great friends, but that relationship never healed. Not only that, I did my fare share of heart breaking. Which brings me to another negative. That awesome friendship they once shared, will be shattered once they break up. Why again is it so important for teens to date. Oh, I remember, so they'll know what it's like to feel pain and rejection only to start the process all over again. Are you picking up on the sarcasm? It's a vicious cycle.
Let's just take a look at the divorce rate among Christians in America shall we. "A vast demographic study conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, found that Christians, like adherents of other religions, have a divorce rate of about 42%. The rate among religiously unaffiliated Americans is 50%." - USA TODAY
Wow...really? Almost half. The same as those who are not religiously affiliated. I might be going out on a limb here, but, maybe if we weren't teaching our kids how to break up they wouldn't be doing so much of it. Bottom line and I'm done here, dating doesn't work. Frienships work. Accountability works. Raising up Godly young men and women...that works. But seriously, we should be teaching our teens how to mature in Christ and that's almost an impossible task when all they can think about is you know who. I would love to hear any thoughts you might have on this. Just keep respectful.
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